forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
