Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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