Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I love you. Go after that dick
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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