I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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