i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
