hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
