fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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