clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
