I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
