dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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