It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
