What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
