I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
