I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
