Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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