Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
