God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i believe in u and ur pee
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