I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize