How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
