dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
