You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
