ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
