I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
