Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
