It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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