normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
