I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
