Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...