I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
