I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
