I would go down on you faster than GM stock
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
