She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
