I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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