she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
