I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
