are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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