What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
