Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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