1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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