I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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