you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
