I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
