Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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