ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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