it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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