grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
