The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
