I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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