p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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