tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
