How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
