Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
