dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
