There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
