Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
