You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
