Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
