Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
