Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well I just put wine in my tea
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
