i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
