this just has baby written all over it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
