Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm getting married
To pizza
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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