Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
