TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
