CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
