ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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