I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
