I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
