I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Small penises have feelings too.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
