Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
