i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
