I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
