I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
