Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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