Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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