One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
