i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
