the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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