Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
